To Live and Love Again
by fangedfemmefatale
Summary: All Human. Buffy and gang are in college. Full summary inside. Rated M for future. Temporary title until I figure out new permament one.


**All characters belong to Joss Whedon and not me. I wish I owned Spike but unfortunately I don't....**

**Plot Summary: All Human. The Gang is in College. Angel and Jenny died during Senior year of High School. Buffy who is heartbroken and depressed lives by going through the motions. William "Spike" Giles is Rupert Giles nephew. He just moved to the states over the summer. He needs a place to stay closer to the college. He moves in with Willow and Buffy since Oz and Xander don't have the room. Can he deal living with a depressed girl or will he help her? Can Buffy move on or will her endless days finally end in a blaze? (Sorry I love the "Once More With Feeling" episode. I couldn't help but to include the some references.)**

**Chapter 1**

_Dream_

_In front of The Magic Box._

"_Buffy I'm so glad your not seriously injured."_

"_I'm just glad your here now and glad that your here too Jenny, Doyle and Faith are inside."_

"_Your suppose to be mine Summers!!!"_

_BANG_

_BANG_

_BANG_

"_Angel, baby are you ok?"_

"_Buffy, your bleeding"_

"_Jenny call an ambulance for Angel."_

"_Oh my god mom!"_

"_Hold on baby. Please don't leave me Angelus."_

"_I love you Buffy"_

_End dream_

Buffy Summers woke up with her cheeks wet. The same dream since the incident at the end of May. Now it was the final week of August and Buffy was a freshman in college living with her best friend Willow. They lived in a three bedroom and four bathrooms loft close to the college. Well technically is was located right across the college. Buffy realized it was Saturday and that their new roommate William Giles was moving in. The gang met him over the summer when he moved in with his uncle Rupert Giles from London, England. She hasn't met him personally but all the other scoobies have. She doesn't mind him moving in since Oz and Xander didn't have the room.

She really didn't want to be there when everybody was there to help him move in. It wasn't the problem of him moving in, she just didn't want any attention on herself. Her mom and younger sister have already met him. Buffy hasn't been the happy go lucky girl she used to be when Angel was alive. Buffy got out of bed and headed towards her bathroom to take a shower. When done with her shower she put on a pair of simple jeans, baggy t-shirt, and a baggy pullover hoodie. It was 7:30 am and everyone would be there at 8. She was in the hallway almost to the door when she heard, "Good morning Buffy." Buffy turned around to look at Willow and smiled meekly. Willow walked up to hug Buffy, "Be safe and see you later." Buffy nodded and walked out the door.

* * *

Willow was laying in bed since people weren't due for another hour since it was only 7 am. She heard a shower being turned on in the other room. She knew it was Buffy getting ready and most likely going to leave. Her heart went out to her best friend. She knew Buffy wasn't going to hang around today and she couldn't blame the girl. Ever since the incident with Angel, Buffy has never been the same. She hardly talks to anyone these days. It's amazing to say that she's still functioning. She heard the shower end so she decided to get up. Wearing shorts and a white tank top she waited to hear Buffy leave her room. She left her room into the hallway. She saw Buffy almost to the door.

"Good morning Buffy," said Willow. Buffy turned towards her and Willow walked to hug her. Willow stated, "Be safe and see you later." With that said Willow let Buffy go and watched her leave. She was worried about Buffy but knew to let her do what she wants. In the kitchen she started the coffee maker.

* * *

Buffy walked out of the apartment complex thinking of what she was going to do that day. It's not like there are a lot of places for her to go. She avoided many places like they were the plague. Too many memories to haunt her but she couldn't leave this town. She wanted to go away for college to get away from everything and everyone. She was more afraid of being completely alone than being distant with everyone. That's why she stayed behind in Sunnydale. She thought being in a new place knowing nobody scared her more than anything right now. All she had left to cling to life was her few friends and family. She lost the one truly loved, trust, and wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

She was walking down Main Street when she came upon the diner she used to go to all the time. She walked in then grabbed a booth in the corner. "Hi my name is Rachel. What would you like to drink?" asked the waitress. Buffy didn't even bother opening the menu, "I would like a coffee and a stack of pancakes." The waitress wrote it down on the pad then smiled. Buffy just sat there thinking about school, friends, family, and Angel. Her coffee and pancakes were placed in front of her. She started eating and thought about the last time she was there with everyone.

"_I can't believe that prom is next weekend already," shrieked Buffy._

_Angel smiled at how happy his girl was. He was lucky to have this beauty in his life. The first time her saw her, he knew she was the one he was going to spend forever with._

"_I know. I can't wait until you see my dress Oz," exclaimed Willow._

_Oz just shadowily smirks at the eagerness of his shy girlfriend._

"_So Xander how does it feel that you got asked to prom by Anya?" asked Angel._

"_I was shocked. I was planning on going stag but this might help me get over Cordelia," replied Xander._

Buffy was brought back to reality when the waitress asked her if there was anything else she needed. Buddy nodded no and the waitress left her check on the table for her. Buffy finished her pancakes and coffee, left a nice tip for the waitress, and took the check up to the register. After paying her check she looked at her watch to see it was 8:30 am.

* * *

It was 7:55 am when Willow heard a knock at the door. She had a hunch who would be five minutes early. Opening her door she found her boyfriend Oz and Xander's younger sister Tara. "Hey am I early?" smirked Oz. Willow just smiled and kissed him. "There's coffee made in the kitchen," Tara nodded and Willow continued, " All we have to do to move is a bed, dresser, desk, desk chair, and boxes. You, me, Xander, Tara, Giles, and Spike are the ones who will be here today." Oz just nodded which wasn't surprising since he normally doesn't talk much or have many facial expressions. Tara was also a quiet person but at least smiled. She was a shy person but she was just as lovable as Xander. She was also lesbian but that made her even more special. She normally kept to herself unless asked to talk. Oz wanted to know how their favorite girl was, "Wills, is Buffy awake yet?" "She already left hun," answered Willow.

Oz was worried about Buffy but knew he couldn't do much. Buffy will either heal in time or not. Oz was the smart observant type and knew Buffy will never be the same as before. It was 8:01 when there was a knock on the door. Willow answered the door while Oz and Tara remained in the kitchen. At the the door was Giles and Spike. Oz figured Xander would be late since he came in late last night. "Hey Giles, Spike welcome to the loft. Let me show you the room. Giles, Oz and Tara are in the kitchen with coffee," smiled Willow. Giles nodded and walked to the kitchen while Willow showed Spike his new room.

"Hello Oz, Tara I hope you guys have had a good week," wished Giles. Both Tara and Oz nodded a yes. "The room is perfect Red," Spike told Willow while walking to the kitchen. "Xander is probably be late so we should start so we can finish sooner," explained Oz. "I wish I could stay but I have to help Anya at The Magic Box. I just wanted to stop by and say hi and since my brother is going to be late tell him I stopped by," stated Tara. Everyone said their farewells and gave her hugs and she was out the door. After Tara left they agreed to start moving Spike in so the started working.

* * *

Buffy was walking through downtown when she notices the hair salon. Looking at her reflection in the window she made a quick decision. She hasn't cut her hair since the beginning of her senior volleyball season. It's been about at least six months since then. Angel always loved my hair right above my shoulders then let it grow. I walked into the salon and got my long hair cut to right above my shoulders. I was happy with my decision. I haven't played volleyball since that day. I feel the tears coming to my eyes.

_-thoughts_

"_Why didn't I die that day? It's my fault Angel and Jenny died. If I done something about Warren before, none of this crap would be happening. Except my knee problems. That was an injury suffered from the championship game. I lost my scholarship that because of it. I couldn't go to the summer practices. I'm still getting physical therapy for it. I quit singing and drawing since I don't feel inspired anymore. I feel so lost now and I'm suffocating in the darkness."_

_-end thoughts_

Buffy arrived at the flower shop at 8:50 am and was glad not many people were there. She entered and went straight to the register. "Hey Mrs. Johnson," greeted Buffy. The woman named Mrs. Johnson turned to see the young Miss Summers standing there. She knew why the young lady was there for. Buffy has been going there since Angel's death. "What kind of flowers would you like Miss," asked Mrs. Johnson. Buffy took a moment to think, "I would like three pink and white roses, two purple hyacinth, and one red chrysanthemum." "What wonderful choices and all three of them are beautiful," replied Mrs. Johnson. She went off to get the six flowers together. Buffy walked over to the candles and picked out two cute little vanilla candles. She went back up to the register to wait for Mrs. Johnson. Mrs. Johnson was back with the six flowers put together beautifully, "Is this all you'll be needing today?" Buffy nodded yes, "All right your total is $27.50 ." Buffy gave Mrs. Johnson 28 dollars and put the change in the tip jar.

It was 9:30 am when she made it out of the florist shop. With her bouquet of flowers and candles she headed towards the cemetery. On her way she thought about how long since she has seen her mother and sister last. After moving out of the house she barely sees anyone unless they are at the college or go to her apartment. She likes being a lone so she doesn't have to deal with people always asking her if she's okay. She noticed she arrived to the gates of Restfield Cemetery.

* * *

Spike's room already had the bed, dresser, desk, and desk chair in the room by 9:30. Now all the group had left to do is bring up all the boxes. There was a knock at the door since the group was taking a break. Oz got up to answer it. Giles decided to ask, "We aren't being to loud for Buffy are we?" It was just then Spike noticed he hasn't seen or heard his other roommate. He's heard stories about her and seen photos of her but has never met the chit. Willow sighed, "She left around 7:30 this morning. Giles you know she hasn't been the same since that day." Xander and Oz walked into the living room, "Who you talking about? Actually let me guess Buffster." "Yes Xander you are correct for once," Giles replied. "Since you were late Whelp, Red relax since you shouldn't be doing the heavy lifting like you did. If you want to help out you can run out and get us lunch," stated Spike.

"Sure thing, how's pizza sound?" asked Willow. Everyone agreed and would get two large supreme pizza. "Ok when I go pick up the pizzas I'll stop and get sodas," explained Willow. Spike decided he needed to know more about this Buffy girl. All he knew was she was Joyce's oldest daughter, and Dawn's older sister, Willow's and Xander's best friend, and graduated with them. Giles said she's a bright young girl but she lost somebody the same day Giles lost the woman he was beginning to love. So he decided to ask, " I notice it's a topic you guys don't talk much about but it will help me since I moved in here. Can you tell me about Buffy?" The group looked at each other then knew he was right. Giles opened his mouth to talk but Oz put his hand up. Oz spoke, "This is probably going to be the most you've heard me talk in one setting. As you know I'm the most observant so the others can add more but I'm going to tell you everything that matters ok?" Everyone agreed.

Oz shifted in his seat next to Willow, "As you know Buffy is Joyce's daughter and Dawn's sister. Buffy moved here right before Willow's and Xander's sophomore year began I was a junior at the time. The Summers's came to Sunnydale for a fresh start. Buffy's dad and Joyce just got divorced and Buffy got expelled from her previous high school. She was never found guilty but was still expelled for burning down the school gym. She did it to get attention from her parents who were always fighting or her dad was spending time with his secretary. Buffy instantly became friends with Willow and Xander. Then six months later Buffy and Angel became a couple. Angelus Calender was Jenny Calender's older son. Jenny is the same Jenny your Uncle Giles liked. Angel had a twin sister Faith and his younger brother who is the Dingoes bass player Doyle. Buffy and Faith instantly liked each other since Buffy got on the varsity volleyball team along with Faith. She fully supported the Dingoes and had another hobby that isn't important. By their junior year I met Willow officially and became part of the group. Jenny was a computer science teacher and loved Buffy, while Joyce had some issues with Angel. Every time I saw what they had I want that with Willow. I know me and Willow have something strong but what Buffy and Angel had was always seen. They were more public and you can see by looking at them that they were going to get married to each other. Everything was good but we didn't pay attention to someone. Warren Mears was a techno geek. I repeated my senior year since I refused to go to summer school. It was fine for me, meant I could stay at school with Willow. Back to Warren he had a crush on Buffy. We thought it was like Xander's crush on Buffy. Except he started to become stalkerish. The friday after prom the varsity volleyball team had a championship game. Buffy as the ace of the team lead them to victory but suffered an injury during the game. Her mom took her to the hospital while the rest of the team went to The Magic Box for the celebration party. Angel stayed behind to help his mom with some things. Buffy found out she couldn't play for five months and will have to do physical therapy to prevent her having surgery. Buffy lost her spot on the UC Sunnydale team since she couldn't participate in the summer training. It was the last weekend of May like I said before. Joyce and Buffy made it to the party, with Buffy's left knee bandage. Buffy went outside because she saw Angel and Jenny walking up. Next thing we know we hear "Your suppose to be mine Summers!!!" Followed by three gunshots. We all ran outside to see Jenny on the ground dead, and Buffy was on her knees with Angel's head in her lap. Angel was dyeing in her arms. The ambulance got there and Angel died but they put Buffy on the gurney because she shot also. She was going into the light and was in shock over Angel's death she didn't realize she herself was shot. She was shot in her left shoulder right above her heart. She was lucky to live with all the blood she lost. Warren was a poor shot and panic when he notice he shot Ms. Calender and killed himself in the woods later that day. Buffy doesn't talk much doesn't talk much, do much, or go out. She goes to school, visits Angel and Jenny, and stays here. Don't take it personally if she doesn't talk to you. She has a scar where the bullet was and she sometimes screams in her sleep. It used to be worse. She blames herself for their deaths."

Spike was in utter shock to hear about his other roommate. She is dealing with so much pain He thought what Drusilla did to him was hurtful but to lose someone like that. They decided to get back to work now that it was 10:30 am.

* * *

Buffy came up to Jenny's grave and knelt in front of it placing a candle next to it and lighting it, "I'm so sorry Ms. Calender. This shouldn't of happen. I robbed Faith and Doyle of their mother and brother. You were another mother to me plus I took you away from Giles. I not only broke my heart but I broke my father figure's heart. I'm so sorry Jenny." She put a hand on the tombstone and gave a small smile.

She continued over to Angelus's grave. She put the flowers down first then the candle to light it. She then knelt down in front of his grave and the tears began to fall, "I'm so sorry baby. This is my fault your in the ground. I should of died that day at least." Buffy touched her left shoulder where the bullet scare was, "I miss you so much. I know Doyle and Faith visit you also. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm undeclared in college, I don't talk to anybody, and just plain lost without you. Where do I go from here? I love you." Buffy sat there until 11:25 am. She got up and left after saying goodbye she walked down Main Street again almost by the pizza joint.

* * *

Willow left at 11 to head towards the pizza joint. It was 11:30 when the were done and Willow headed out with two pizzas when she saw Buffy, "Buffy are you ok?" Buffy looked up to see Willow looking worried, " Yea I'm fine. I was just at Angel's grave." Willow nodded know her best friend needed her support right now. "Why don't you come home with me. You need to meet Spike, Giles, Oz, and Xander are there. If you don't want your mom to worry about you so much tell Giles how you are," suggested Willow. Buffy just nodded and follow Willow to Oz's van. They stopped at the store to pick up some soda to restock the apartment. It was around 12:10 p.m. when they got back to the apartment. Willow grabbed the two pizzas, while Buffy grabbed the two twelve packs of soda.

The guys were done unloading all the boxes by noon now all Spike had to do is unpack them and organize his room. They heard the door open Willow walked in carrying the two pizzas and another person walked in with the sodas. "Buffster you made it," yelled an excited Xander. It made Buffy jump a little then continued to the kitchen to put the soda away. Spike noticed her but couldn't see much she was wearing her hood. He's seen pictures of her but she was happy and looked like a goddess. They were from her high school days. She had bronze skin, golden locks, and happiness in her eyes.

Buffy came out of the kitchen with Willow. She had her head down and was shifting her weight from foot to foot like she was nervous. Willow sat down next to Oz while Buffy stayed standing. She knew she was suppose to meet the new roommate who she can already know who it is. She's seen him walking around campus during the week. It's not that hard to notice someone with his hair color and wears all black. Spike realized he's seen her walking around campus. She was always alone and some people would talk about her. He always wanted to know why she was so distant and cold. Well he found out and she seemed even more depressing to look at. She had all these wonderful friends yet she stays by herself.

Giles decided he would do the introductions, "Buffy I would like you to meet my nephew William Giles. William this is Buffy Summer." Buffy looked at the bleach blonde and nodded. Spike looked at her, "You can call me Spike. All my friends do." She just stood there fidgeting. Willow rescued her, "Well lets eat before the pizza gets cold." Xander, Giles, Willow, and Oz headed towards the kitchen. Spike stayed seated while Buffy headed towards the bedrooms. Spike got up to join the others when he heard a door close.

"Where'd Buffy go?"asked Xander. Spike sighed, "She went to her room." Xander nodded and the gang regrouped to the living room. Oz finally spoke, "Where did you run into her, sweetheart?" "I ran into her outside the pizza joint. She was crying but that's because she visited Angel and Jenny," answered Willow. Giles looked down and understood it's painful to visit someone in the cemetery. Buffy was in her room and changed into shorts and a black tank top since she was home. She looked at herself in the mirror. What she saw was a shell of her. Her short hair doesn't seem glossy anymore, her eyes don't gleam, and does she ever smile anymore. Plus the scar that reminds her everyday of what happened. The new roommate seemed cool. She knew he had to be decent since everyone liked him.

Buffy exited her bedroom and looked in the living room. "Woah Buffy. You got a haircut," exclaimed Xander. Buffy moved her head and sat on the couch with Willow and Oz. Xander was in a chair while Giles and Spike shared the love seat. Oz got up and Giles spoke up, "Buffy how are you? What is your major and how is school?" Buffy knew this was coming and was prepared for it. Talking to Giles was easier than her mother. A soda and a plate of pizza was placed in front of her, "Thanks Oz." Oz smirked in appreciation. Buffy took a bite and looked at Giles, "I'm fine as I can be Giles. Tell my mother I'm fine. School is school. I'm undeclared in the major department. Don't know what I'm going to do with my life. Spike if you really like the paintings go check out my mom's gallery. She has a few left in the back if I'm right." "Thanks pet. Do you know the artist's name?" asked Spike. "Their mine just tell her I sent you. Before you ask I haven't painted since I was sixteen. I preferred drawing and my mom has some of those too," answered Buffy. She continued eating and drinking. "Thanks again," said Spike. Buffy finished eating and got up to throw away her plate away when Spike noticed it, "Nice tattoo." Buffy stiffened and muttered a thanks. _'At least he didn't mention the bullet scar.'_

"When did you get it?" asked Spike. Buffy sighed and Xander answered, "She got it on her 18th birthday. Her and Angel went and both got one." Spike just nodded and realized everything about the girl was tied to her dead lover. No wonder the girl didn't talk, everything reminded her of him. It's like she's not her own person. She's a shadow of someone who use to be important person to her friends. _'Did she even care that her mother is worried about her? Want nothing more than to be there for Buffy. The chit doesn't realize she's hurting the ones she loves or does she even care about them. Every time someone mentions the chits name the friends get quiet and a pain expression.' _Buffy came back in after throwing her trash away and said, "I'm going to go work on my homework." All of them except Spike bid her farewell.

I was around 2 p.m. When Giles decided to leave to check on the store. The rest of the gang decided to talk and hang, "So Spike what do you think of the place so far?" asked Willow. Spike sighed, " I think it's great Red. I have a good roommate and two good friends on the floor above. It's better than living with uncle Rupe's even though it was fun bugging him. It's closer to the college so I can save on gas. I was thinking of getting a job at the Bronze but realized I would have to be 21 to handle the alcohol. The rent here is reasonable. The room is great and I have my own bathroom. So it's perfect." Willow and the two guys noticed he only mentioned one roommate. "What are the plans for this Saturday night?" he asked. "Well me and Ahn are going out to a nice dinner. Tara is watching Dawn tonight," explained Xander. "The Dingoes have a gig at the Bronze tonight and Willow is going. Why don't you join us?" asked Oz. "Sounds like a plan," replied Spike.

At 4 p.m. Xander and Oz left to take care of somethings in their own apartment. Oz told Willow he would be down to pick her up at 6. Willow looked at Spike, "Now that those two are gone since the are very protective of her. Tell me the truth of how you feel about Buffy." "To me the chit is pathetic. I mean she just does nothing with herself. She doesn't seem to care about you guys or herself in that matter. She's not going to move on at the rate she's going and nobody will want to date that train wreck. I've dated a psychotic chick but at least I can see damage goods when I see them. Because of my ex I can see lost causes." Willow was just shocked by what she heard. Yes, she wanted his honest opinion but that was just plain hurtful. Willow stated, "She's not looking for anybody to date. All she wears is baggy clothing which is a sign for guys to stay away. We know she cares for us because she didn't leave. She was considering leaving Sunnydale but couldn't leave us. We bear her weight of distance because she's afraid something is going to happen to us. Not only does she blames herself for the deaths of Angelus and Jenny. She also blames herself for her parent's divorce." What the two didn't realize was Buffy was in the hallway.

Buffy went back to her room and stripped down to her under garments. She got out a simple black dress that she hasn't worn in long time. Put on a pair of black flats and sent a text to Doyle to pick her up on his way to the Bronze. He texted back that he was proud that she was doing this and Faith would be with him. She then put on light makeup and brushed her hair out. She also grabbed Angel's leather jacket that he gave to her before the even started dating. It still lightly smelled like him. She grabbed her black clutch and threw in her id, money, keys, and kept her phone in her jacket pocket. Willow and Spike stayed in the living room waiting for six to come to come by. It was 5:30 and Spike was in the living room since all he had to do is put on a red button-up shirt with his signature duster over it. Willow decide to change into a pair of jeans and a green tank top that made her red hair stand out even more. She joined Spike in the living room when she was finished and heard a knock on the door. Willow went thinking it was Oz came early but was amazed to see a brunette chick standing there. "Hey Willow is B ready?" asked Faith walking in. Faith noticed Spike in the living room, "Yummy I'm Faith Calender." "Name's Spike," introduced Spike thinking he's seen her a few times at the Bronze and on campus. "Faith lets go," said a quiet voice. Willow, Spike, and Faith turned around to see Buffy standing in the hallway. "Wow B, you look great and nice haircut. About time I got my partner to come play with me again," exclaimed Faith grasping Buffy in a hug. Faith then grabbed Buffy's hand, led her out of the apartment to the car where Doyle was waiting.

Back in the apartment Willow was getting over the shock of seeing Buffy going out on a Saturday night. "Spike, Buffy just left with Faith in a dress right?" asked Willow. Spike was still shocked to see his depressing roommate leave looking completely different. _'Yea she looked good wearing the tank top and shorts but she looked dead. In the dress she looks stronger but still she was pale. No longer the bronze goddess she was in the photos.'_ "Spike are you ok?" asked a worried Willow. Spike snapped back to reality, "Yea, I thought she didn't go out?" "She normally doesn't plus she never wears that jacket anymore. Angel gave it to her before they started dating," answered Willow. It was 5:55 when another knock sounded on the door Willow answered to see her boyfriend standing there. "Ready to go and Spike are you taking the DeSoto or riding with us," asked Oz. Spike grabbed his keys from his pocket which had his new apartment key hooked to it now. Oz nodded and the three left.

* * *

Faith and Buffy got in the car that Doyle was waiting in. "I'm glad your finally coming out with us Buffy. We know how you feel and stop blaming yourself. Angel would want you happy," stated Doyle. Faith decided to try, "He's right B. My brother would want you happy not a train wreck. He loved how strong you were and now your just a small weak girl. Don't make me kick your ass because he died and don't say it's your fault. You were shot also and you shouldn't be a shame by that scar. It's hot. So please try to live tonight and your doing great on trying." Buffy smiled and had tears in her eyes. She thought it over and knew in the end they were right. She has to try for Angel and just ignore what her bastard of a roommate. They arrived at the Bronze while Doyle went to check to see if any other Dingoes were there, Buffy and Faith went to the bar to get two cokes. They found a nice table near the stage and took a seat. Soon Doyle, Devon, and Lorne came up to the table. "Well what did we do to be graced by the princess herself," exclaimed Lorne. Buffy got up and gave the two Dingoes hugs. "You have to tell me princess you're performing with us tonight right?" asked Lorne. "Don't push it Lorne. We should be grateful that she's even here tonight," snapped Doyle. Lorne raised is hands in surrender, "Fine but I still think princess should let it out. Might help her no offense but what your doing now isn't helping you. You need to start starting you life back up." "She knows that already and leave her alone. She spent three wonderful years with my brother and this whole town was their playground. So many memories that can cause pain," defended Faith. "That's just it. Those memories should make her not sad. Unless she wishes that she never had them at all," retaliated Lorne. Buffy put up her hands, "Knock it off. We have enough people staring at are table. I know they talk about me and what they call me. I know in of the favorites is has been. I'm fine but what confuses me is I don't see him anymore. I haven't seen Angel at all like how others do when they lose loved ones. Maybe that should have been a sign that I should move on."

Oz and Willow arrived at the Bronze with Spike behind them. Doyle, Lorne, and Devon saw Oz and went to help him unload the van. Spike and Willow saw where the three Dingoes were hanging out at and notice it was Buffy and Faith. Willow headed towards them with Spike following. "Hey Willow and Spike come grab a seat," offered Faith when she saw them. They took a seat and watched the Dingoes set up on stage. "Buffy I'm happy your out with us tonight," exclaimed Willow. Buffy smiled, "Yea well I've been ignoring my family for to long. Plus it's better than being a train wreck or damaged goods." Both Willow and Spike froze like deer caught in headlights they never thought she could hear their conversation. "Dang B, I there's the girl we use to know but that was harsh. I called you a train wreck earlier in the car," chuckled Faith. "Well you were right well sort of. At least I didn't do what you did and drink myself to the hospital. How is community service going for you?" retaliated Buffy. Faith smack Buffy in the arm , Willow was happy that some life was coming back into Buffy's form.

The Dingoes made it back to the table since they had a few minutes to spend, Oz was happy to see that Buffy left her cave of a room and came out. Everyone went to the floor except for Spike and Buffy, while Lorne went to talk to another friend. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I've been told what you have been through it was wrong of me to say all those horrible things. I know how it feels to lose a love one but in my case it's different. I lost my mother last year and then my girl who I have been with for a little longer than you and your guy cheated on me throughout our relationship come to find out. Everyone deals with lost differently I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I just know your mother, sister and friends are worried about you. I know first impressions are important so can I start over? Hi I'm Spike Giles," stated Spike holding out his right hand to shake hers. Buffy shook his hand, "Buffy Summers." When Buffy started to pull back her hand when Spike noticed the ring.

"That's a claddagh ring right?" asked Spike. "Yes it is, Angel gave it to me for my 17th birthday. By how you identified it, I take it you know a little about Irish traditions," answered Buffy. Spike nodded and they fell into a comfortable silence. Willow and Faith made it back to the table when the Dingoes Ate My Baby was introduced on the stage. When the band too a break, Devon asked Faith to dance while Oz and Willow danced. Lorne went to the bar to get a drink and socialize. "Want to dance pet," offered Spike. Buffy looked at him with wide eyes. She finally answered, "I'm goo. It's hard enough for me." "Blondie Bear your here," interrupted a blonde wrapping her arms around Spike. "Harmony get off can't you see I'm with someone," strained Spike. Harmony looked and noticed Buffy, "Oh my god! Buffy Summers is that really you. I thought you never go out like some cave person. Plus what is a has been doing here. Shouldn't you be out at the graveyard crying out for Angel. Spikey be careful her last boyfriend was killed because of her." It felt like somebody stabbed her in the heart. Tears sprang to her eyes and Spike noticed it. Buffy grabbed her clutch off the table and headed out of the Bronze. Spike looked down at the bint holding onto him, "You bloody bint, get it through your head. We aren't dating nor will I ever touch you again." With that said he forced her off of him and turned to follow Buffy. He stopped when he heard, "You know she'll never give you a chance. Angelus treated her like a princess and any guy was that tried to flirt ended up hurt. He made her his and only his. A guy like that is hard to replace even though she's dead. Your a nobody on her radar. Plus she doesn't talk and is a has been," yelled Harmony. He continued to the entrance of the Bronze and didn't know Oz witnessed the whole thing. Once outside he noticed her near the end of the alley way which connects to the main street. That's what suck about the Bronze is it's front entrance is in a dark alleyway. He ran in the opposite direction towards the parking lot to get his DeSoto.

He pulled out to the main street and finally found her a block down. He pulled up next two her and rolled the passenger window down, "Buffy why don't I give you a ride home?" Buffy looked in the window, "No you don't have to leave the fun because of me. You can stay behind to hang out with they guys. I don't know if I'm going back to the apartment anyways. Actually if your sure I'll take the ride." Buffy in the DeSoto and Spike headed towards the apartment. They remained quiet the whole time and was at the apartment in 10 minutes. Buffy got out of the DeSoto and walked in the building. Spike stayed behind to smoke a fag. Normally he would smoke in the car but he didn't think Buffy would enjoy that. He went up to the apartment when he was finished. The door was unlocked so he locked it behind him. He went towards his room so he could change into something more comfortable while watching the telly. He was passing Buffy's room when he heard soft cries on the other side of the door. Being the gentleman he was raised as, "Hey love. Are you okay and do you want to talk about." He stood there and heard her quiet down down. When she didn't open the door after 5 minutes he continued to his room.

Buffy was in her room sitting on her bed when she pulled her cell out of her jacket pocket. Dialing Faith's number she told her she was home and asked if Willow was staying with Oz for the night. Once Faith made sure Buffy was alright, they got off the phone. Buffy knew Spike was being nice to her but she didn't want the pity. She rather have a bastard roommate then have a roommate that pities her. She doesn't want to be treated fragile. _'Why can't he just ignore me like the others. Just keep distance from her. She's fine being talked about behind her back and how dare he bring up her family.' _What Harmony said hurt but that's her being her stupid idiocy. It hurt that she mentioned Angel and her past of being a volleyball player. She wasn't ready to go out to the Bronze yet. She let the words get to her and hurt herself. Buffy went to her closet and grabbed the last sketchbook Angelus was working on.

Spike changed, slipping his duster, red button-up shirt, and pants off. So all he was wearing was his black shirt then grabbed a pair of boxers from his dresser since he normally goes commando. He went back out to the hall and notice there was no sound coming from the other side of Buffy's door, he continued to the living room. He sat down on the couch and noticed it was only 10 p.m. He started flipping through channels he stumbled upon a high school volleyball game. It was a recap of the last year's team and how will the Sunnydale High Razorbacks do next season. The next season starts in March and the team is holding team tryouts in the middle of October. It talked about how the best players recently graduated. It went into details where the graduated players are know. Faith was first mentioned since she was captain. It would show clips of the girls playing was amazing. What caught his attention was the blonde goddess playing. She was mentioned next and it was Buffy Summers. The teams ace. She brought the team three championships since her Faith worked well and the others too. Then it showed clips of the last game she played to show the injury she suffered. Even with the injury she led the team to victory with the help of Faith. Then it talked about how she lost her scholarship and wouldn't be playing for Uc Sunnydale. _'That's why people call her a has been. Not much details about Faith.' _Spike turned it since he was no longer interested and found a movie playing.

Buffy was going through the sketchbook until she found one that made her stop. It was a sketch of her mother, her, and Dawn. She never knew he drew this and it must have been from memory. There were some words under the sketch _Three Celestial Beings' _Buffy's eyes started to tear up. Angel always said she was beautiful and fine many different ways to tell her. This one would have to be the best way. She remembered the first time she went through a sketchbook of his:

"_Angelus are you stalking me," teased Buffy._

"_Well I can't help it Buffy. Your my canvas, my muse, my life, my inspiration, and my reason to live," answered Angel._

"_You think of me as your muse? Angel why would I be special enough?" asked Buffy._

_Angel smirked, "Buffy Anne Summers, I know we have only been together for 3 weeks now but one thing I know is that I love you. Your my life and I know we are only sophomores but what I feel with you is it. Your my soulmate and I'm never letting you go."_

_Buffy had tears in her eyes, "I love you too."_

That was the first time they said 'I love you' to each other. Angel had tons of sketchbooks but she only had a few in her room. The rest were in his room at the Crawford Mansion. She always laughed at that ridiculous name. Now Faith and Doyle were the only residents. Buffy looked at the clock and noticed it was 10:45 p.m. She put the sketchbook away and changed. She was only wearing a black t-shirt and black lace underwear. She curled up in bed.

Spike was getting sleepy since he did move in earlier that day. It was 11 and figured Willow was staying with Oz so he shut off all the lights in the apartment. He was passing Buffy's room he stopped. He softly knocked on the door then opened it. Se saw Buffy curled up in bed a sleep. With that he shut the door and went to his room. Once in his room he slipped off all his clothes. He knew Buffy wouldn't barge in his so he knew it was safe to sleep all natural. He felt like he wanted to protect, be there, and help her. _'Why do I care what that bint does with her life? I didn't move here to fall for another nutcase. Drusilla was it for me. This Buffy chit has too much baggage. Plus she seems comfortable with how she's living. Stupid Harmony even though she's a pain, she's bad. Ok she's horrible but good in bed. If it wasn't for her moronic ways and clinginess I would give her a chance.' _He continued those thoughts until he fell a sleep.

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